And Now, the Starting Lineup...

Top 3.5 Sports I Watch on TV

1. WWE Smackdown
2. NASCAR
3. Curling
3.5 Baseball

Smackdown is the awesome wrestling show on Friday nights. Two hours of adrenaline-pumping, chair-throwing, hair-pulling fun. Women fight too so there’s loads of feminine equality. And a guy wears a dress and a thong which doesn’t mean he’s gay or a transvestite but does mean he knows a thing or two about commercialization.

NASCAR is everywhere. There were 2 movies this past year, I mean, big blockbuster movies, that were about car racing so what does that tell you? This is adrenaline-pumping, fender-smashing, explosive sports at its best.

Curling is a unique sport, involving brushes and a big heavy stone, kind of like shuffleboard on ice. Good, clean, adrenaline-pumping fun.

And then there’s baseball…

And HA! HA! I don’t watch any of these! Okay, I sort of watch baseball when we go to the Epicenter Stadium here in town and watch the Quakes play and that’s kind of fun but only because they have mascots in funny suits and dancers dancing on the dugouts and they give away prizes every inning. Otherwise, it’s adrenaline-pumping…no, it’s actually like watching grass grow, only far less amusing.

I can’t think of a less interesting thing to do than watch sports, except maybe play them. I have not one sporty gene in my body. Lucie doesn’t either. She’s never told me if our parents were sporty people but I doubt it. I never knew them so I don’t know but I would imagine not, if we two daughters are any indication. We can barely throw a Frisbee. Seriously. We had a Frisbee when I was a kid and Lucie and I would try to toss it around the park or in the yard or whatever and it would always land in the street and get run over by a car or else it would fly onto a roof or in someone else’s pool. It was always a disaster.

So why do I even mention sports? Because everywhere I turn there's a countdown to the Superbowl. On television, in stores, at the market...everything is geared toward that magical Sunday when two teams of overpumped, steroided men in shiny Spandex tights run at each other and try to pummel each other into the cold hard ground. I just can't wrap my mind around the game. There's offense and defense and a guy hikes the ball to another guy who throws it to a third guy and he tries to run down the field past the goal line but there's tons of flab and muscle in his way trying to stop him from getting very far. If he gets ten yards, then his team gets a another chance to run for the goal. His team has three attempts at getting ten yards down the field. If they don't do it, then they give the ball to the other team.

That's the basic idea of the game. I don't get why it's so great. And I don't get why everyone watches it. Some people watch for the commercials and some watch for the halftime show and nearly everyone has a party for it although Lucie and I have never been to one. Maybe if Reggie's brothers have one (hint hint, Reg), I'll finally learn why the Superbowl is such adrenaline-pumping fun.